spring is in the air and dead worms are on the sidewalk.
cassady continues to delight, except when he’s tantrumming and hitting and occasionally pushing his boundaries.
dane was not like this. i don’t remember him hitting, ever. and cassady doesn’t do it often, but in comparison to dane…
he is such a character. so funny and goofy, like he already has a sharp sense of humor.
in other news, i am growing large and in charge and my back is starting to hurt like an old lady’s.
today i turned 40. normally i would be partying in a big way but alas i am pregnant and so very very exceptionally tired today.
it was an ordinary day but it was sweet, too. i hung out with my kids all day. usually during cassady’s nap, dane watches something. today was no exception as i dozed on the couch with our dog. however, he cut his viewing short and joined me and danny at the dining table as we ate our lunch.
then he said, “i have to whisper something in your ear”. he says this a lot so i thought nothing of it. he told me, “i almost have tears from oscar’s oasis”. (it’s a silly show that i haven’t had the desire to watch with him, but he really loves it these days).
i asked him why and his eyes were tearing up and he was laughing while explaining to me that he didn’t want to have tears. and then he punched himself with both fists in his eyes…
i said, whoa whoa whoa it’s ok to have tears. don’t hit yourself, what happened?
and his face. oh man, his face. i’ll never forget how he looked as he fought the tears SO hard. he looked like a grown up who REALLY didn’t want to be crying and that is a seriously painful face to see on a 5 year old.
he told me that oscar had to say goodbye to his best friend. as he told us this his voice broke and he gave in to the emotion.
danny and i said all kind of things like, it’s ok, we cry too and that sounds really sad and dane crawled into my lap and sobbed. like heaving sobs which made me cry too.
after a while he stopped crying and moved on with his day, eventually finding things to play with and books to read but my heart…oh my heart. it still aches now, thinking about how sad he was.
having kids was a dumb idea.
but on a lighter note, later he said, “oh mommy, i forgot i need to do this for your birthday!” and he tickled my back.
he lasted ABOUT 5 seconds, but it was the thought that counted.
i love you dane.
today i did a music camp at the elementary school. (the first of three). it was about 2 1/2 hours of straight up energy. i was up and down, jumping, singing, emoting all over the place and now, this pregnant girl can barely move.
cassady wanted to go on a “walk” which is the 2 year old equivalent of a game of chutes and ladders. we finally made it home and i shoved the kids downstairs for a movie night. now i will dream about wine and twizzlers.
i just played chutes and ladders with dane for the first and hopefully last time until he’s 15.
27 hours later i became so impatient that i took EVERY turn for him, shouting “GO DANE! YOUR TURN! SPIN! NO, WRONG WAY! ARE YOU EVEN COUNTING? CHUTES GO DOWN, LADDERS GO UP! DUUUUUH” .
clearly i let him win.
i need a time out.